It Should Be Illegal To Be Younger Than Me

I live in a college town that’s otherwise pretty small, so much of the population is made up of bright-eyed little twentysomethings with tiny springy bodies and brains that still work. They are the worst and I hate them and they should be in jail.

Continue reading “It Should Be Illegal To Be Younger Than Me”

The Day After the Barbecue

I could see, from the look in his eyes, that he was ludicrously drunk and In The Fog as he blew through the stop sign at top speed, narrowly missing my car as his went airborne over the little divot in the road.  When he landed he lost control, skidding left and right all over my street (where my son plays with reckless joy) before plowing through Mrs. Cotton’s flower bed, taking out The Boys’ mailbox, and slamming into the Buckalew family’s tree. A crowd ran towards him to provide aid but I pulled up slowly. I’d seen his eyes.

Sure enough, the evil bastard pulled a handgun and started cursing everyone who came to his aid before staggering off into the sunset. The cops arrived shortly thereafter and chased him around the neighborhood a little, eventually capturing him and his buddies who tried to spirit him away. I missed that last part, though. After I gave my statement to the police I headed to my previous destination: the gym. I’ve got a fitness blog to maintain, fellas. Let me know about the crazed gunman thing when I get back from lifting.  Continue reading “The Day After the Barbecue”

Workout Mix 1: Indie Tunes for 30something Joggers

I’m honestly baffled at this point: I started this thing assuming, like, a dozen of my friends would check up on it and right now it’s averaging 100 readers a day in eight different countries. That’s not a lot to a pro blogger, but it’s a buttload more than I ever anticipated. Hooray! Thank you! Keep coming back and tell your friends! I long to bring you more stories about Poop Incidents.

Anyway, I am a big music nerd, and the #1 thing I see floating around on Facebook about exercise is people begging for new workout music. So here you go: Continue reading “Workout Mix 1: Indie Tunes for 30something Joggers”

Sweating in the Modern Age of Mankind

Let’s just get this out of the way: I’m a sweaty dude. If I lightly jog for even half a mile I look like I sat in the splash zone at Sea World and I left Sea World and a cab splashed a puddle on me and oh no do I choose Mr. Big or Aiden.

This is why workout fashion is important to me and why I celebrate the many advances in modern textiles. It is a far better scientific endeavor than, say, renewable energy. I can’t wear a wind farm, man.  Continue reading “Sweating in the Modern Age of Mankind”

We Get Letters

My old buddy Mike Beech of HVIII Brand Goods has dedicated himself to fitness in one form or another for years and years, mostly in alternative spheres like Highland Games, and the creation of this magical blog inspired him to put together the above video. It is a pretty great video! In the first part he throws hammers to a song by my old band Ghost Runner and in the second part he yells at me for seven minutes. Continue reading “We Get Letters”

Release Me Into Sweet Death

One major lifestyle change I’ll need if I ever want to look good in my He-Man ‘Sup Ladies tank top is to get more sleep. More gas in the tank, man. I’ve always been a night owl, and it screws with my current “I have a kid and work in the next town over which is in a different time zone” thing. I go to bed at 1 in the morning and get up four hours later. That’s…that’s no good.

Last night I made my plan. Continue reading “Release Me Into Sweet Death”